It's the holidays? Already?

Dear Dave,

It's the school holidays. No more having to get up early to make packed lunches and to harangue children into eating their breakfasts quickly. No more clubs and classes. No more having to hang around the playground every afternoon for half an hour because the boys come out twenty minutes apart. Just a sweeping expanse of time to fill with day-trips, leisurely activities and grocery shopping. Ah, bliss...

Well, that's been the case for previous school holidays, anyway. This time round is a little different. This is the first major holiday since Marie started at nursery and so the joy of not being constrained by an external schedule is tempered by the loss of the 'free-time' I normally have each morning when all the kids are out of the house. Next week may come as something of a shock to the system.

It's probably a good opportunity to assess how I've been getting along with my list of things I wanted to achieve while home alone. Let's see...

Ah.

Yes.

Hmmm.

It's not gone so well, has it? I haven't cleaned, fixed or played anything. I've still only gone for coffee once. I went shopping for clothes but only bought a hat. I haven't made it to a Polish deli. I suppose I did find a Polish section in Tesco but that's not really the same. May I recommend Paluszki, though. They're like long, thin pretzel things. (I'd send you a photo but, now I've got them out of the cupboard to check what they're called, I'm too busy eating them...)

I haven't even managed much progress on zombie-proofing the house. I meant to go to B&Q for raw materials but, with one thing and another, it never happened. I've just settled for altering the sign in the front window so it reads, 'No hawkers, circulars, canvassers, snakes, spiders, cats, evil dwarves, brain-sucking alien invaders or living dead.' I feel this not only deals with the zombie issue but gives some added protection in case I inadvertently invite in a vampire or another ghoul turns up trying to hassle me into changing energy supplier.

Me: I'm really not interested in switching right now.
Ghoul: So you don't want to save money?
Me: Can't you read? Back to the Pit, foul fiend!

I find this usually gets them to leave...

So what have I been doing? Writing to you mainly, along with eating breakfast, catching up on the internet (it's grown a bit since I last looked), doing some chores and dusting off a couple of creative projects that have been moth-balled since 2002. I'm not achieving much more than I did before Marie started nursery but I'm freeing up time in the evening to lie around watching films with explosions while groaning slightly and eating Polish pretzels.

Never mind, maybe next term...

Now, excuse me a minute while I move these Paluszki out of reach...

That's better, they're gone now. (Munch... Munch...) Honestly. (Munch...)

Yours in a woman's world,

Ed.

PS If you're wondering about the 'creative projects', here's a little something for Easter that I've been working on.