Dear Dave

Wednesday 16 December 2009

Physics for parents

Dear Dave,

When I first told people I was going to be a dad, many of them said that my world would change. I nodded and smiled. Of course it would change - that was obvious! I simply didn't appreciate, however, how the very fabric of space and time would be ripped and folded around me by the arrival of a small child. With hindsight, I might have been a little more cautious. I certainly would have gone to the cinema more often while I had the chance.

Perhaps if the people I spoke to had had some hard evidence, I might have listened...

That's the problem, though. Up until now, warnings about parenthood have always been riddled with anecdotes and hearsay. In an effort to rectify the situation, and after much experimentation, I've produced the following empirical data to prove that becoming a parent does indeed alter the very laws of physics in a severely world-changing fashion in the surrounding vicinity:

Graphs showing how the laws of physics are changed by being a parent.

So remember, next time you meet a prospective dad who's oblivious to what the future holds, show him this. He still may not believe you but, down the line, at least he'll know what's happened when time starts running in circles and the contents of his fridge keep disappearing down a wormhole into another dimension...

Yours in a woman's world,


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