Christmas crackers

Dear Dave,

The decorations are up, the mince pies are warmed, carols are playing and the weather outside is truly horrible. I guess it must be Christmas.

Remember I mentioned in my last letter that after all these years, the kids might not have any tricks left up their sleeves? Turns out I was right.

Well... about the sleeves anyway:

Christmas seems to have got here in a panicked rush of cards and wrapping but I've managed to find time to watch some films with the boys in the last few weeks. It's only been after Marie has gone to bed on nights when Sarah's busy but we've managed to squeeze in the entire Star Wars saga. We've settled down on the sofa, the boys in their pyjamas and snuggled under blankets, and we've done some male bonding while people with glowy swords leapt around before our eyes. Fortunately, the prequels aren't as bad as I remember. (Then again, I remember them being pretty bad.) Episode 3 is remarkably dark and scary, though. Glad I watched the original trilogy with boys first, a couple of years ago.

Last night, we sat down to watch the end of Return of the Jedi - a little ewok treat before the chaos of Christmas really set in. I had some reheated mulled wine from our Christmas party last weekend, the room was dark apart from the tree lights around the TV (don't ask) and we were all nice and cosy as I switched on the DVD player.

"Would you like a cracker?" said Fraser, offering me a handful of little, round snacks with a hint of chive.

"Yeah, thanks..." I said, taking one. "Er..." I stopped in the process of moving it towards my mouth as every alarm bell inside my head went off at once. (Not to mention several on my tongue, a strange prickling in my thumbs and an itchiness in my toes that made them want to curl up reflexively.) I hesitated. "Where did you get these exactly?"

"They were underneath the sofa cushion," he replied, his mouth full.

"Pardon?"

"They fell down there during the party, while I was jumping on Lewis."

I blinked. "And you didn't think to take them out again?"

"Er... No."

"So, they've been there all week?"

"Yeah." He clearly wished he'd kept the knowledge of his secret stash to himself.

"Are there any more?"

Fraser nodded reluctantly and I ordered everyone off the sofa again while I switched on the lights and then went hunting around in the fluff and loose change. There were a couple of dozen of the things. My toes curled involuntarily.

Sarah overheard this exchange from another room and called out to me as I went to find a bin and wash my hands. "Never mind, dear. At least it's not snot."

I wasn't too impressed at the time but I suppose she's right. This is the time of year for counting blessings, after all...

Have a great Christmas and all the best for the New Year.

Yours in a woman's world,

Ed.