Dear Dave

Tuesday, 1 June 2010

If only the questions were always this easy

Dear Dave,

Marie walked up to me the other day and asked me, "Where's Heaven?"

I was taken aback for a moment. Then I gathered my thoughts, ready to explain the concept of somewhere 'outside' space and time in a way intelligible to a five-year-old. I opened my mouth to speak but Fraser got there before me.

"Second row from the bottom, going backwards," he said, sauntering past.

"Thanks," said Marie and ran off again.

I had to assume she was doing a wordsearch...

Later, once she was in bed, I opened my usual (single) can of celebratory beer with a satisfying crack.

"What was that?" asked Lewis as we all settled down to watch some Superman before it was the boys' turn to head upstairs.

I pointed at my drink.

He looked confused. "Why does Daddy have to drink beer?" he asked nobody in particular.

I was slightly put out because my real addiction is coffee but, nonetheless, I managed to answer first. "Why do you think Daddy has a beer in the evening?"

Lewis grinned. "To stop him going insane?"

I couldn't argue with that. "Yes, that's exactly the right answer."

Everyone else nodded in agreement. Clearly, though, since I was talking about myself in the third-person at the time, it hasn't entirely worked.

Yours in a woman's world,

Ed.

PS Sometimes things are a little harder. Like when Fraser wanted to know what 'seduce' means, for instance. It was all to do with the Spy defeating the Field Marshal in the board game Stratego but still... Coming up with a suitable explanation of sex and murder for a ten-year-old was almost beyond me.

Then Lewis decided to play too and I had to do it all over again for an eight-year-old...

2 comments:

JenK said...

Hahaha! The questions leave me speechless sometimes. Many times.

All the time.

I should try this beer before bedtime idea. You seem mostly sane- if you discount the third person thing.

And the writing to imaginary people thing.

Huh. Maybe not. :)

DadsDinner said...

It's not so much the beer being before my bedtime which is important, it's that it's after Sproglette's...